So on this eve of merriment, as you look forward to a new year of happiness and prosperity, let me tell you a tale of my fear of 'potatoes'.
Back in my dreaded boarding school days, a lack of funds and an endeavor to meet the nutrition requirements of a motley crowd of boys, resulted in the school board; on probable insinuations of the doctor; entrusting the cook to come up with a new dish. It is not known whether it was on retaliation for having been disturbed from his hum drum life of quiet solitude, specked with routine dishes or having grasped an opportunity to satisfy his sadistic urges, he concocted a monstrosity of a dish which was aptly named-'Alu Dhum'. It was a brown curry more or less thick like porridge, the majority of whose ingredients were unknown, but having a profusion of giant chunks of brown or yellow potatoes in varying states of been boiled. Mimicking nature, the dish had a smell that camouflaged its horrible taste. It was the cook's masterpiece, his Peita, the apex of his craftsmanship.
Now the school mess; by which I mean the dining hall and not a mess of a school; was furnished with long tables and benches and each row would be occupied by the tenants of a 'house'. I would rather not get into a detailed classification of how it was structured for it has little bearing on our tale. The tables would be populated along their lengths by round 'plates' which would contain a portion of side dishes, more or less indiscernible specs, which would have made Oliver Twist look like a glutton. However, each of these plates were populated by a rather 'generous' portion of our protagonist. To add insult to injury, 'he' would also reside in a large steel casserole with ladles at the end of each table, which could be passed along if you desired a 'larger' portion.
Now the school rules; having been adapted from the military with an objective to 'toughen' up boys and to mold them into men who would strike 'fear' into the hearts of the nation's 'enemies'; was pretty much a hierarchy based on seniority. The 12th grade would occupy the apex and the 6th grade would be the hapless new recruits at the bottom rung. Consider a bunch of boys, at the peak of their hormonal imbalances, in varying states of puberty, infested with absolute power. Add to it the supposed 'injustices' and 'punishments' petered out to them in the 6 former years of their lives.Yeah you get the drift. The environment was something which the Marquis de Sade could only envision.
Now to bolster their peer repute, and insinuated by 'world poverty' and proselytizing lectures on 'wastage of food' by the teachers, the seniors took it upon themselves to ensure that 'their' house would have a perfect record. Everyone would consume the dish to such perfection that not a speck would be left on the plate or on the cauldron. A host of 'punishments' were invented to ensure compliance. The boys had no idea what they were in store for.
On it's first outing our protagonist claimed unilateral majority, with even experienced seniors succumbing to it's 'charms'. Positively gagging, the dish was left more or less untouched. The unfortunate ones who managed to ingest a portion, promptly released it at the washroom.
My esteemed readers would conclude that the dish would have been pulled off the 'menu' and the cook would have been reprimanded, as would happen in the 'normal' world. But not here, not in this utopia of 'brave men'.
Further proselytizing lectures, transmitted down the hierarchy, endeavored everyone to 'man up'. With renewed vigour, the boys attacked the dish on it's second outing. The seniors, who had been fed on a larger share of 'patriotic movies', chomped down the dish and having decimated the 'enemy', walked around with pumped up chests, urging the juniors to comply. The juniors on being kids, and having no positive incentive for the same, promptly resorted to ingenuous solutions. The first was to grab a fistfull and throw it under the table.For the first two weeks, the floors were littered with 'Alu-Dhum', forming intricate patterns. The vociferous complaints of the house- keeping staff were heeded to and the kids were meted out a range of 'warnings' to 'preliminary punishments' as deterrence. That led to the second adaptation, which was based on a series of 'timed' actions. The technique, was to wait till the bell rang at the end of the 'munching' session, grab the dish, stuff it into the mouth and in split second reach the washroom and promptly purge. As the reader must have guessed, the 'punishments' were promptly stepped up.
The kids, having exhausted their options, resigned to a third solution of pinching their nose and gulping down the protagonist in small chunks along with water. A new system of measuring semester time based on the 'number' of 'Alu-Dhumm' ordeals was conceived.
It was then that mother nature took over, and armed with billions of years of evolutionary knowledge, promptly adapted some of the kids to the wiles of 'Alu-Dhumm'.
On these chosen few, sporadically and strategically placed in each house, the fate of the lot rested. Their capability to decimate the villain was quickly put to use by enterprising 'businessmen', who would offer reparations in the form of coveted items like 'beef' and 'chicken', sometimes 'half-portions' over subsequent weeks. I should confess to my readers that I was part of this set of 'entrepreneurs', who would inadvertently break down to 'tears' on keeping up their end of the deal.
The story should have ended with this status quo but for an unexpected side effect.
The 'chosen' ones, fed on an exponentially higher diet of protein than their peers, bloomed faster and held monopoly in athletics and sports for the ensuing years of their tenure. This success bolstered their self-confidence, which the author believes resulted in their foray into the 'defense' of the nation. The 'losers' having been intimidated, found solace in books and went on to become doctors and engineers. As for the 'Alu-Dhum', it is rumored that 'he' still exists, adopting camouflage commensurate with the times, silently partitioning the lot of new recruits.
PS: 'He' was purposely used by the author fearing feminist backlash on the using of 'she' for the protagonist. This is a work of fiction based on actual events, and the author's fertile imagination from which inferences were drawn.
Back in my dreaded boarding school days, a lack of funds and an endeavor to meet the nutrition requirements of a motley crowd of boys, resulted in the school board; on probable insinuations of the doctor; entrusting the cook to come up with a new dish. It is not known whether it was on retaliation for having been disturbed from his hum drum life of quiet solitude, specked with routine dishes or having grasped an opportunity to satisfy his sadistic urges, he concocted a monstrosity of a dish which was aptly named-'Alu Dhum'. It was a brown curry more or less thick like porridge, the majority of whose ingredients were unknown, but having a profusion of giant chunks of brown or yellow potatoes in varying states of been boiled. Mimicking nature, the dish had a smell that camouflaged its horrible taste. It was the cook's masterpiece, his Peita, the apex of his craftsmanship.
Now the school mess; by which I mean the dining hall and not a mess of a school; was furnished with long tables and benches and each row would be occupied by the tenants of a 'house'. I would rather not get into a detailed classification of how it was structured for it has little bearing on our tale. The tables would be populated along their lengths by round 'plates' which would contain a portion of side dishes, more or less indiscernible specs, which would have made Oliver Twist look like a glutton. However, each of these plates were populated by a rather 'generous' portion of our protagonist. To add insult to injury, 'he' would also reside in a large steel casserole with ladles at the end of each table, which could be passed along if you desired a 'larger' portion.
Now the school rules; having been adapted from the military with an objective to 'toughen' up boys and to mold them into men who would strike 'fear' into the hearts of the nation's 'enemies'; was pretty much a hierarchy based on seniority. The 12th grade would occupy the apex and the 6th grade would be the hapless new recruits at the bottom rung. Consider a bunch of boys, at the peak of their hormonal imbalances, in varying states of puberty, infested with absolute power. Add to it the supposed 'injustices' and 'punishments' petered out to them in the 6 former years of their lives.Yeah you get the drift. The environment was something which the Marquis de Sade could only envision.
Now to bolster their peer repute, and insinuated by 'world poverty' and proselytizing lectures on 'wastage of food' by the teachers, the seniors took it upon themselves to ensure that 'their' house would have a perfect record. Everyone would consume the dish to such perfection that not a speck would be left on the plate or on the cauldron. A host of 'punishments' were invented to ensure compliance. The boys had no idea what they were in store for.
On it's first outing our protagonist claimed unilateral majority, with even experienced seniors succumbing to it's 'charms'. Positively gagging, the dish was left more or less untouched. The unfortunate ones who managed to ingest a portion, promptly released it at the washroom.
My esteemed readers would conclude that the dish would have been pulled off the 'menu' and the cook would have been reprimanded, as would happen in the 'normal' world. But not here, not in this utopia of 'brave men'.
Further proselytizing lectures, transmitted down the hierarchy, endeavored everyone to 'man up'. With renewed vigour, the boys attacked the dish on it's second outing. The seniors, who had been fed on a larger share of 'patriotic movies', chomped down the dish and having decimated the 'enemy', walked around with pumped up chests, urging the juniors to comply. The juniors on being kids, and having no positive incentive for the same, promptly resorted to ingenuous solutions. The first was to grab a fistfull and throw it under the table.For the first two weeks, the floors were littered with 'Alu-Dhum', forming intricate patterns. The vociferous complaints of the house- keeping staff were heeded to and the kids were meted out a range of 'warnings' to 'preliminary punishments' as deterrence. That led to the second adaptation, which was based on a series of 'timed' actions. The technique, was to wait till the bell rang at the end of the 'munching' session, grab the dish, stuff it into the mouth and in split second reach the washroom and promptly purge. As the reader must have guessed, the 'punishments' were promptly stepped up.
The kids, having exhausted their options, resigned to a third solution of pinching their nose and gulping down the protagonist in small chunks along with water. A new system of measuring semester time based on the 'number' of 'Alu-Dhumm' ordeals was conceived.
It was then that mother nature took over, and armed with billions of years of evolutionary knowledge, promptly adapted some of the kids to the wiles of 'Alu-Dhumm'.
On these chosen few, sporadically and strategically placed in each house, the fate of the lot rested. Their capability to decimate the villain was quickly put to use by enterprising 'businessmen', who would offer reparations in the form of coveted items like 'beef' and 'chicken', sometimes 'half-portions' over subsequent weeks. I should confess to my readers that I was part of this set of 'entrepreneurs', who would inadvertently break down to 'tears' on keeping up their end of the deal.
The story should have ended with this status quo but for an unexpected side effect.
The 'chosen' ones, fed on an exponentially higher diet of protein than their peers, bloomed faster and held monopoly in athletics and sports for the ensuing years of their tenure. This success bolstered their self-confidence, which the author believes resulted in their foray into the 'defense' of the nation. The 'losers' having been intimidated, found solace in books and went on to become doctors and engineers. As for the 'Alu-Dhum', it is rumored that 'he' still exists, adopting camouflage commensurate with the times, silently partitioning the lot of new recruits.
PS: 'He' was purposely used by the author fearing feminist backlash on the using of 'she' for the protagonist. This is a work of fiction based on actual events, and the author's fertile imagination from which inferences were drawn.
